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what is reality? If I were asked I would respond that reality is perceieved.

that which we experience through our senses first hand. I perceive reality different than those around me. each experiencing reality from their own perspective.

for some reason my mind has a preoccupation with the concept of reality, and the related illusion. magicians create an illusion through a forced perspective. we see what they want us to see. it appears to be reality that the lovely lady in the box has been severed in two and then reassembled. though a sense of logic leads us to understand that it is a deception and not reality.

I question my perception of reality experienced through my 5 senses and have desire to see the unseen and know the unkown. one might liken my mindset to that of the matrix. the idea that what our senses tell us about the world around us is all an illusion of the mind.

I desire to look beyond the surface. I take nothing at face value.

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Why is it that people seem to feel it is dishonest to withhold personal information. I've had a few people recently that have been down right offended that they weren't given access to personal information about me. They claimed it was dishonest of me or unethical to withhold such information.

Honesty, is closely tied to trust. As a level of trust grows, more information about a person is entrusted to another in a relationship. Weather that be a friendship, or a romantic relationship or otherwise. One hasn't any right to someone else's personal information. If I followed that logic then I should be upset that the people I know don't give me the pin number to their ATM card.

The withholding of information can be considered a lie of omission in some instances but I think that personal information is an exception to the rule. Personal information is shared on a need to know basis, based on a level of trust.

Access is "allowed" NOT "entitled to". No matter how well you think you know someone you only know them that well because they have "allowed" you to know them that well. Be thankful they have let you get that close to them, because it is their right to remain silent.

[note: entry made while under the influence, aka- drunk]

Okay so I know that I am not in the greatest state of mind at the moment. And frankly I am surprised at how well I am typing. (if you look back you will see a few drunk entries that weren't as successfully written)why am I drunk right now... because gosh dern i deserve it. I've got 2 jobs now and I've worked hard all week and have been exhausted. I deserve to relax and loosen up for a bit.

So what will I do with this state of mind? *he types with his eyes closed swaying side to side to nora jones soothing tones.*(kudos to my muscle memory knowing where all the keys are.)Well being that a lot of my cares are somewhere else I will take advantage of this open state of mind to voice some of my aggravation.

So... to quote Peter Griffin,"You know what really grinds my gears"...

So I had plans to enter the seminary yada yada.(if you keep up with my blog or know me then you are aware) So yeah for reasons I wish not to disclose(private information) the seminary basically told me "not this year but we'd like to see you next year". This highly unexpected no answer set into motion a series of events that made 2008 super crappy for me. (I'll be glad to see it gone Jan 1) the fact that these events were set into motion by their decision I have built up quite a resentment for the Church and those in it.(not all but some in particular I will be speaking about)

What really grinds my gears is having to put on face of "maturity" and "cool-collectedness" when certain people come to me with,"oh are you in the seminary, I heard you were going to be a priest" or something to the effect. Why the face? Because just because I am an aggravated with the Church(and by proxy the founder) doesn't give me right to desecrate someone else's faith. i won't voice my disdain to those within the Church because they deserve to be happy.

Unlike some I did my best to keep my application to the seminary quiet to avoid being labeled. despite my efforts to deal with the whole process privately the prayer chain/gossip pool got the information out. They pass along information under the guise of "pray for so-in-so because he's going to be a priest." ... no pressure right? The result has been people i don't know coming to me about the above mentioned questions about my priestly vocation. *takes a drink and continues swaying to Nora* It's seriously annoying. YOU DON'T KNOW ME, don't come to me like you are entitled to information as private as ones own potential vocation.

As of currently I am working to survive and get myself into a better financial situation. Long-term I suppose I still have goals of a priestly vocation(for lack of any other prevailing calls), but I seriously don't want to be bothered with questions about it because I am tired of responding to something that at this point seems so far off in the distance and possibly unachievable that it's not productive to think about.

So yeah, stop pretending you know me and my relationship with the Lord. The Lord and I have some things to work through, and as much as you may think you are helping you are not. You're just annoying the crap out of me.

NOTE: This may not be a popular post but it's honest and it will stand. I may regret it tomorrow but maybe... just maybe it will reduce the number of people trying to pressure me into becoming a leader in their religious views. If I do or if I don't is between me and the Lord. Your hopes, wishes, or opinions have no bearing on MY vocation, so shhh already.

*Goes back to his cigar and drink*

Okay, so as I post this entry I am realizing my blog has reached a new low. I am posting about what I am eating for breakfast.

SO I am up way early this morning.(okay technically I haven't been to bed yet) NEway I decide to do the whole breakfast thing. (I normally skip it, in lue of a brunch at work) So I get dressed and venture out in the freezing rain to the grocery store behind my house. The rain seems to be lightly freezing on all hard surfaces so I learn quickly that the grass is the safest place to walk.

I get some Folgers and some hazelnut creamer. Wander around for about 15 minutes and stumble across these bakery muffins. I decided on the "CRANBERRY ORANGE!!" as the label screamed at me. I'm eating it now with my coffee and I am simply shocked by the dayglow pink insides of this muffin. I looked for a suitable picture of the muffin but non I found had the same unnatural pink inside. NEway, I just want to share with you my crazy glow in the dark muffin breakfast.

P.S.- The coffe isn't as bad as I would have expected for my first cup of coffee ever made.(someone else has alwys made the coffee I drink.)

This world is full of so many "interesting" things. Some are real... some come from our imaginations. Which takes interesting reality to a whole new level. If one were to imagine that there is a singular reality... then a single perception of a single human on reality... now multiply that by every human that exists AND every human that ever existed... The pool of "What is real?" becomes infantly deep and wide.

I think I can conclude that reality=truth=reality... that which is actual and not fictitious. So the question comes to my mind... Is reality(truth) worth finding in an infinatly wide and deep sea of perceived reality? I guess I'll find out when I find it. Perhaps the perception of reality is more interesting and useful then actual reality after all.

I was pondering about a comment a friend made, recommending I start in the mainstream and then look at the fringe. Perhaps it's the rebel in me but I seem to be inclined to buck the main stream. I don't want to miss anything because I was blindly following the pack.

I contend that there is a lot more interesting things on the fringe than there are in the mainstream. Mainstream science has done a great deal, but I choose not to accept things at face value. The fact that the fringes are challenging the mainstream is exciting. They are challenging the thinking, reason, and logic of the mainstream sciences. Though at times it may sound crack pot, truly the fringe... the edge of the wave... is the bleeding edge of science.

A crack pot idea is proposed... science has to go into new territory to verify or disprove the theory. Einstien was a crack pot because he came up with something new. Further science is DYNAMIC. I can't settle on the idea that we know XYZ to be fact, that it will remian fact forever. When I went to school I was taught that Pluto was a planet. Pluto is no longer considered a planet. New information, and science adapts it's understandings acordingly. I would much rather be on the edge of science as it's happening than in the middle of stagnent, old, or outdated information.

So I couldn't help my curiosity. A movie that that has made it to 3 sequels with boundless merchandise. I had to find out, what's made this such a hit. So reluctantly I gave into my curiosity to watch the first High School Musical movie. And my thoughts...

As with most things that come into the grasp of Disney's Midas touch I expected the movie to be a bunch of fluff with a HUGE marketing engine backing it up. And I wasn't too far off. I found the movie to be extremely predictable, over-the-top, and at times gag-me-cute. Though I was surprised that I didn't hate it as much as I would have hoped.

The musical numbers are quite catchy, intertwined with a heart felt story that would get any hormone enraged teenager flipped head over heels in love with this musical. With their target demographic being highly emotional as it is, you add to that the idea of love and music and you've got a hit. Music reaches a level of emotion in most that otherwise would be inaccessible.

It has it's merits for being so popular though I don't think I'll be watching the other sequels.

For a while now lots of things have been going on in my life but I could probably sum up this time in my life as a period of "waiting". I'm not sure what I'm waiting for. But I continue to work through the struggles of life, but have this feeling that I am just kinda coasting through waiting on the next big thing. What to do next.

I think I am getting close.

I think it's about time I reinvent myself. Not so much in the sense of changing my personality, or being someone different, but rather actively mixing in some change and flux into my life. Things are becoming a bit stale and I think I need to do something new. I am confident in myself that anything I put my mind to I can be at least relatively successful if I give it my all. I tend to be an "all or nothing-over achiever". if I set myself on a goal I will surpass it or give up and not come anywhere close. Sadly I don't apply myself to to many things. But the things I do apply myself to are some of my proudest accomplishments. (my degree, my house, helping others, my job, etc.)

So I'm feeling at the edge of something new. Hmmmm, what will I apply myself to next?

*logs off to ponder*

So it's now 3AM and I just yawned for the first time today.I had no idea at had gotten so late(early). I thought, "why am I so not tired until just now?"

no conclusion.

I guess I'll shower and go to bed. Night all.

So this guy makes em sick. I wish i could play one instrument well and he plays 2... AT THE SAME TIME!